Yelp has now kindly invited us to two of their events to charm and entertain their guests with our quick and witty haiku creations. We posted about the latest event recently, but never got around to actually sharing some of the night's inspiring haiku. The time has come; here's the latest from the Vow Muse haiku think tank:
Topic: Vampires, by Alicia
Bella's newest love
The vampire squid from hell
Edward, move over
Topic: Cupcakes, by Angie
Warm and delicious
Cupcakes are so yum yum yum
Decadent heaven
Topic: Pandas, by Alicia
Do sadpandas wear
Sadpandapants? Or perhaps
Panda pajamas?
Topic: Two whining children, by Angie
The whine of children
Maybe sell to the circus?
Love them anyway
[Angie's favorite of the night:] Topic: Bacon, by Alicia
Would you eat bacon
Were it made from the mighty
Hippopotamus?
Topic: Drama & a bad boss, by Angie
Oh lord, hate my boss
It's always something crazy
Totally drama
Topic: Va De Vie (a wedding planner at the event!!), by Alicia
Weaving the pieces
Of a joyous occasion
She is Va de Vie!
Topic: The long line to get into the event, by Angie
Admission to Yelp
The line's around the corner
Totally worth it
33 haiku and two hours later, it was time for Vow Muse to call it a night. Them's some good haiku-ings!
Want Vow Muse to formulate fabulously fun haiku at your event? Email us!!
Do you like baseball and acting? Ever think there shouldn't be a divide between celebrities and athletes? Well fear not: baseball phenomenon Nick Swisher and actress JoAnna Garcia tied the knot, bringing the two together and of course, giving them a chance to pen their own vows to each other. While Vow Muse had zippo to do with their Floridian wedding last month, we still thought we'd get our vow writing on for these two love-birds.
Nick, I know I want you in my life forever. Of course, I didn't know that the first time we met, or even the second; it wasn't until we'd spent an evolving course of days, weeks, and months together that we'd built a relationship I could never live without. With you, I am able to empower others, and in turn, empower myself. But more importantly, with you, I am myself. I am never less than you. I am never more than you. You are never less than me, and you are never more than me. I love this about us, and could not dream of a better partner in life. Para mi familia, nomás sepan esto: Yo nunca soy menos que ustedes. Yo nunca soy más que ustedes. Ustedes nunca son menos que yo y ustedes nunca son más que yo.
From Nick to JoAnna:
JoAnna, I was certain I wanted a future with you from the first time we were apart, and every time after that. When I'm not with you, I feel as if there is an invisible cord between our hearts, pulling at us until we are together again. That tug makes me long for your presence, and I'm only at ease when you are near. With you, I am able to reach others, and in turn, reach myself. But more importantly, with you, I am home. I am never less than you. I am never more than you. You are never less than me, and you are never more than me. I love this about us, and could not dream of a better partner in life. I wish my grandmother were here to meet you, but I already know what she'd say: Joanna sparkles. Keep her close, ya hear?
So after this round of vows, it occurred to the Muses that we're not sure Nick Swisher would love what we've written for him. He's got a bit more of a sense of humor, and we think he'd ask for revisions. Stay tuned for later this week, when the Vow Muse blog posts our revisions for Mr. Swisher's wedding vows!
-- We learned about JoAnna Garcia here and Mr. Swisher here. Photo permission via Creative Commons from here.
Imagine you're Nicole Richie, and you want to have the most astoundingly perfect wedding known to America (especially since you'll be darned if Paris Hilton is thinking of upstaging you in a few years when she finally settles on a beau of her own). Well, you're in luck if you're Miss Nicole (and Mr. Joel Madden by association): Vow Muse is on the case!
Nicole Richie and Joel Madden get cutesy with their vows? It could've happened!
Joel Madden to Nicole Richie:
Nikki, it's funny to think that just now we're getting married. I feel like we've accomplished so much since we met, and marriage is just another layer of our friendship, partnership, and relationship. You're an incredible woman, a mother all moms should emulate, and your heart embraces everyone you meet. I'm so thankful you let me into your life, and that I get to share my world with you. I'd say that I cannot wait to wake up to you, but we already do. I'd say that I cannot wait to start a family with you, but we already have. So what I'll say is this: I cannot wait to take on the world together every single day. I look forward to holding your hand until all we have the energy to do is sip lemonade and make each other laugh.
Nicole Richie to Joel Madden:
Joelly-Woelly. Wow. No really, wow. Oh my goshness, where do I even begin? One of the many things I love about us is the way we refuse to follow the rules. Another thing I love about us is that we're completely on the same page in our relationship. I'm marrying the best father I could dream up for our children. I'm marrying someone who wants to give back to the world just as much as I do. I'm marrying you, and I know we're going to have an amazing life together, if only because we already have it. And that's already a wonderful life. I love you times a million, and I'm so thankful for what you bring me each and every day: yourself. Let's get to the I do's and go on being fabulous together!
-- Photo taken with permission under Creative Commons from wikimedia. We learned everything we wanted to know about Nicole Richie here and Joel Madden here.
Well the truth is, Vow Muse didn't get asked to take part in helping Katy Perry and Russell Brand pen their wedding vows at their recent nuptials. But that didn't stop us from stepping into the world of imagination and wondering what words the pop-star and comedian might have exchanged privately! Want to step into Vow Muse's fantasy vows* for KP and RB? Read on.
What would Katy Perry and Russell Brand say during their wedding vows? Heck, we don't know either, so we nabbed our keyboards and put our thinking caps on.**
Russell Brand to Katy Perry:
My kit, my Kat,
Spend tea-time in my lap
We'll be rocking in style
Like before rocking down the aisle
I'll write you sweet melodies
Oh wait, that's your cup of tea
Kiss all the girls you desire
I'll love you even more for that quagmire
Please be honest, please be true
And I'll always do the same for you
Okay, enough of that rat-a-tat-tat
I love you too much for that serious crap.
Seriously Katy, you're a concoction too intoxicating to be without. You make me laugh, which is pretty freaking hard to do, and I can't wait to sweep you off your feet every single day of our lives. As long as you promise to pair the socks. You know I hate that.
Katy Perry to Russell Brand:
Russell, first, of course I'll pair the socks. Well, maybe I'll hire someone. Either way, we won't be sock hunters. Seriously though...I'm not sure what I can say here that I haven't whispered to you during bad movie premieres, shouted from the rooftops during crazy nights in London pretending to be chimney sweeps, and shared via email with every single person witnessing us today. You give me hope for the future, you make me forget the past, and you provide me with security, support, and back-up vocals in the shower. Baby, I'm honored to pair your socks, to make you popcorn with honey-butter on it, and to sit with you in bed when you're sick nursing you back to health. I want to do everything with you.
** Picture used with permission from under Creative Commons from cutekatyperry.com. If someone smart and in charge feels this is incorrect, please tell us and we'll figure it out!
When Yelp's lovely Monica S. invited us to be "entertainment" at the Yelp Elite Event in Walnut Creek last Tuesday, we Yelp-crazy muses could hardly say no. Judging from the last Yelp event we were invited to, we assumed there would be booths or tables with many different organizations or companies strutting their proverbial stuff. Not this time.
The Muses at their haiku station ready for the event to start!
Yelp has a system whereby it elects "elite" members based on the volume and quality of their contributions (and profiles) on the site. These members receive special stuff from Yelp, such a sweet badge on their profile and invites to real-life parties every now and again. This party was held at Eleve in Walnut Creek and offered free food, drinks and entertainment to 175 eager Yelpers.
The VM typewriter, thanks dad!
The entertainment? There was a band (which got great reviews, though we couldn't hear them from our station) and there was a fabulous duo of hotties* offering custom written haiku to patrons. And it was great! We were once again stationed in front of the bar "line" (which we later found out wasn't a line, though people thought it was -- you were just supposed to go up to the bar) where we solicited folks for free haiku and even wrote a few for people in line who had indicated no interest at all in a haiku.
Yeay, you may not want one, but you may still get one. Kinda like socks for Christmas except that you may want to hang your haiku on the fridge. Booya.
One (out of many) of Alicia's fabulous ideas: promoting Vow Muse by writing free haiku poems for people!
If you're like me, you may have been first introduced to the haiku in the Japanese Historical Literature class of your writing Master's program. Not! I first heard the word spoken by the timeless* Wayne Campbell:
You may remember our post regarding a stint at a Yelp Helps! event in Berkeley in October where we were stationed as the designated haiku makers of the night. With Garth as our inspiration**, we chatted it up with countless Yelpers that night and wrote approximately 33 haiku (haiku is plural for haiku) on a variety of topics.
Here's how it went: after chatting up the patron for a few minutes and explaining what it is that a Muse does, we asked said patron to give us a topic. They did, and it was often something we had been chatting about beforehand or just something they like. Muse #2 would then step in and distract the patron (envision tap dancing and puppet shows...) while Muse #1 took two minutes or less to write out a topical haiku. The pressure was on!
Most "customers" were very happy with their haiku and impressed with our efforts. Here's a few of our faves from that night:
Topic: Calm, generous, loving - a nice lady, by Alicia A balmy breeze that Already feels at ease Having just met her
Topic: Sex, by Angie (yeah, he tried to throw me for a doozy; I showed him) The birds and the bees Females and males all around Dim the lights down low
Topic: A hyper doggie named Dylan, by Alicia Dizzying Dylan Chasing flying bananas Adorably, duh
Topic: Hula, by Angie Aloha hula Grassy hips swing with the wind Elegant movement
Topic: Sandwiches, no mayo, by Alicia No zest for this guy Between two slices of bread Simplistic heaven
Topic: College Track (a non-profit at the event), by Angie On track for college A leg up from mom and dad Climb the life ladder
You may notice that we're not absolute sticklers for the 5-7-5 syllables rule, and if you read the wiki article, apparently even haiku aren't always sticklers for this rule as it's a loose translation of the rules from the Japanese language. Either way, we try our best and everybody seems to have a great time.
Want Vow Muse to formulate fabulously fun haiku at your event? Email us!!
*Who are we kidding, Wayne was so 1990s. But still totally enjoyable.
**Garth Algar's alleged haiku was actually not even close. But it didn't make the movie any less awesome.
